Wine Limerick Contest Winners

Check out what our readers came up with!



Published:

We set forth a challenge in May for our readers to come up with a limerick in the spirit of Wine Enthusiast. We received an overwhelming response with hundreds and hundreds of entries. It took us longer than expected to go through all of the great ones we received (not that we are complaining—we got quite a few laughs out of them!).

After sorting through all of them, we narrowed it down to 1st, 2nd and 3rd place winners, and of course honorable mentions. Selected limericks are scheduled to appear in Wine Enthusiast Magazine's Best of Year issue, available on newsstands December 11. 


 

1st Place Winners

If you can't get your date to undress, go

And buy her a fine Barbaresco

Get the girl sipping

And soon she'll be stripping

And begging to do it alfresco
—Jennifer Chotzi Rosen

I once knew a fellow named Sweeney

Who spilled some gin onto his weenie.

Then just to be couth

He added vermouth

And slipped his young lass a martini.

—Faith Love, Chesterfield, VA

"98!" claimed the wine-sipping clod.

"98!" chimed his friend with a nod.

But 'twas not what it seemed,

For the wine they esteemed

Had been poured from the spit cup. How odd!

—Daniel McGrath, Brookfield, CT

I have an untamed predilection

for building a vast wine collection.

But my wife is incensed

o'er the vinous expense.

'Tis a shame; I shall miss her affection.
—Michael Brooks, Richmond, VA


 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

2nd Place Winners

A sommelier came home from the show

Found a man with his wife don't you know

He was much madder still

When he saw the man swill
The last drop of his vintage Bordeaux
—Dale Moir, Naperville, IL

Please do not pronounce Sauvignon Blanc

Like it rhymes with ker-bonk, honk or wonk.

Leave the "C" in your craw

And say "sauvignon blaw"

Or just order a glass of white plonk.

—Jennifer Chotzi Rosen

This Lambrusco seems vinegar-laced,

Amaroidal and acrid in taste.

But I'll finish the flask

And then empty the cask,

Because wine is a bad thing to waste.
—Chris Doyle, Ponder, TX

Of drunkards, I once was the booziest,
As far as could be from the choosiest.
But I mended my ways
For the rest of my days
By each month reading Wine Enthusiast.
—Tom Schoeck, Albany, NY


 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 


 

3rd Place Winners

A gourmand? A gourmet? That sounds neat.

Epicure? Ehh, perhaps too elite.

If you like food and wine,

It's just pure state of mind,

So who gives a hoot? Let's drink and eat!
—Katie Pizzuto

A young winery owner named Frank

made a wine that was really quite rank.

He handled his crisis

by raising his prices.

Now he laughs all the way to the bank.
—Michael Brooks, Richmond, VA

Corkscrew and cork, sat on a table

Talking to a freshly made label

"With screwcaps in fashion,

Fine wine's lost its passion!"

"Sorry boys, that just an old fable."
—Walter Preston, Phoenix, MD

A man in the auditing science

Got involved with one of his clients

With a bottle of red

They tottered off to bed

Thereby redefining compliance
—Dale Moir, Naperville, IL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

Honorable Mentions

I've arrived on the scene too late.

All I want is some Harlan Estate.

I've tried joining their list.

They say be patient and insist

You'll get wine in two thousand eighty-eight
—Robert Bartoli, Scottsdale, AZ

In Jerez quite often the berry

Is made into wine known as Sherry

By way of solera

And lots of fresh air-a

Young wine becomes old in a hurry
—Jennifer Chotzi Rosen

There once was a young man named Turlough

Who got a bad bottle of Merlot.

He said, "It's so lousy

So droopy and frowsy,

I think that I'm about to hurl-o."

—Elliot Capon

A wine snob is the worst sort of brute

Sniffs the wine and the cork and the flute

Then he puts on an air

And he says with a flair

"Oh, I'd rather be smelling a boot!"

—Dale Moir, Naperville, IL

They say wine's existed for ages

Its roots lost in history's pages

From ancient amphora

Which gave it an aura

A beverage extolled by the sages
—Nancy Sellers and Dori Havner, Napa, CA

You are welcome to taste all the wine.

(The Bordeaux is especially fine.)

If each sip you must spit

Then the pail you should hit

And look out for the carpet, you swine!
—Susan Craig, Mechanicsville, VA

If you were a drinker of Claret,

I'd say, "There's a wine with great merit!"

But you drink Chardonnay

So what more can I say?

Just don't ask me to smile and share it.
—Joan Mims, Bee Cave, Texas

So this modest but wine-loving feller

Had aquired a quite enviable cellar.

He had spent more on Bordeaux

Than he surely could afford-o

But his dinners had pairings most stellar.
—Daniel McGrath

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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